Getting Back on Track

I have done really great over the past week and I'm so excited about it. I've lost 6 pounds! Here's what I've been up to.

• My husband and I are still exercising together. We went hiking last Saturday. It was HOT, 96 degrees. 
• We also walked at the high school track on Monday. The weather wasn't as bad; I did a mile that day, with a little bit of jogging thrown in there.

•  I've been getting serious about drinking water. I've been carrying a Smart Water bottle with me everywhere. Most of the time, it's filled with tap water though. =) 
• Using some beginner's videos on YouTube, I've tried Zumba. I think I like it, but I'm not ready to buy just yet. Has anyone had any experience with it? 
• I've really restricted my portion sizes this week. I think that has helped the most.

I'm pretty proud of myself for digging in and making some necessary changes. Now to keep it up!

Summertime

This summer is not at all going according to plan. I'm so frustrated with myself these last 3 months. I've wasted precious time. Thankfully, I haven't gained much, only about 3 pounds and it's been fluctuating up and down. But I can't seem to get back on track.

I'm going on vacation in one month. There will be plenty of opportunities for swimming, boating, jet skies etc. And I have friends that I haven't seen in a year coming Labor Day weekend. I really wanted to have lost more weight by that time. But even if I start doing better today, there isn't enough time to lose as much as I could have in those 3 months.

I keep trying to remember how I finally got to the point where I curtailed my eating. But I can't seem to remember that mind set. I know exactly how I fell off the wagon. And I'm still dealing with some difficult emotions regarding the death of my goddaughter and my niece's birth, all in the same week.

My husband is still doing great. He hit his second goal and was able to go down a size, almost two, in his jeans.  Despite his good example, I'm still eating too much. It makes me feel gross when I see how much I'm eating compared to him. He doesn't do anything to make me feel that way, except sticking to his diet. I am still working out a couple times a week, so that helps. I've been lifting weights some too, trying to tone my arms. I'm just now starting to notice a difference, so that's good.

But I'm still angry with myself. Why do I treat myself this way? Why can't I eat less? Why do I let myself live this way? And how can I change it?

PS. I keep getting weird comments on my blogs, so unfortunately, I'm going to have to turn on comment moderation. I really don't want to do this, but after 10 or so comments on the last post, most of which I had to delete, I think it's time. Sorry about that!

A Month of Maintaining

This month has not gone at all according to plan. I was hoping to kick it up a notch, start exercising more and drop more pounds by the family reunion in June. Unfortunately, that has not happened.

With all the emotional stuff happening at the beginning of the month, I got turned completely around. I started eating larger portions again. We ate out more this month than any of the last few months combined. And I've eaten more junk food than I should have.

But I did start exercising more. Maybe I knew I would need it to help even out the break in my diet. Whatever the reason, I have been able to maintain my weight. It's fluctuated a few pounds up and down. However, overall, I've been maintaining for the last month or so.

I'm ready for that to change. I'm ready to start losing weight again. I felt so proud of myself for losing those 30 pounds. I want to lose 30 more. And then maybe 30 more after that. I need to get back on track.

Having my husband do this with me has been a huge help. And a great hindrance. When one of us fail, the other starts slipping. But we also pull strength from each other. I think we're both ready to get back on track.

So, we've discussed it and while we still don't know for sure what we're doing, we are going to start trying harder. I don't want to get sucked back into the though pattern that losing weight is too hard. It is hard! But it's not impossible. And those 30 pounds gone proves that.

A Major Phony

Sometimes, I feel like a big fat fake. Blogging about my weight loss journey has really helped me in the last 6 months or so, but sometimes, I just want to scream, don't look at me. I'm a complete loser and don't know what the heck I'm doing.

If I look back at my life, I can honestly say this is the first time I've REALLY tried to lose weight. I've given it half-assed efforts in the past, but they never amounted to much. And I've never really lost a significant amount of weight.

But now, I can say, I've lost 30 pounds! Yay! Go me! Not really.......

Sure, I have definitely changed my eating habits. I've cut out a substantial amount of sugar. And my DH and I are eating *mostly* low carb. But I'm BARELY exercising at all. So, I feel like major phony. I haven't had to work hard to lose those 30 pounds.

But I know that all of the weight isn't going to come off as easily. Do I have the strength to continue this journey if there's real effort required to make it happen? I have to ask myself why I don't work harder. I want to be healthier. I want to be thinner. I guess it boils down to laziness. It's easier to fail. Plus, I'm worried that I'll give it everything I have and still fail. Then, what do I do?

Jillian Wrap Up

I've finished taking the Jillian Michaels Jumpstart 14 Day Cleanse and Burn.

The two weeks on the cleanse were not that bad really. There were definitely some uncomfortable moments, but nothing too bad. The weight lost was totally worth it and I would definitely take it again.

Here's the breakdown:

Pre-Jillian: 293.2
Post-Jillian: 285.8
Weight Lost: 7.4
2010 Total Lost: 32.7

7.4 pounds in 2 weeks! I hadn't lost that much weight since I first started this new diet back in January. I lost 7 pounds my very first week. So it was such a nice surprise when I weighed in. I had felt like I was in a slump and this was just the thing I needed to get me motivated again.

Now the trick will be to keep myself motivated enough to lose weight without the drugs. Because while I was definitely successful, I don't think I will continue taking her products. Mostly because it's so expensive. I would never have bought this for myself, but my DH brought it home to me. He knew I was stuck and wanted to help, so when he found it on sale, he bought it. But I can't justify spending that much money every few weeks on myself when he's trying to lose weight as well. And we definitely can't afford to buy it for both of us.

So....yes, I would recommend it to others who might need a little boost, but as for me, I'm done with it for now and I'm very satisfied. =)

Direct Life

My husband recently got a Direct Life Activity Monitor. I wasn't sure it was the right purchase for me. So I'm waiting a bit to see how motivating his is before purchasing my own. I've been looking at the different monitors like the FitBit, Bodybugg or the Gruve. If anyone has any first hand knowledge of any of these or the other devices, I'd love to hear about it!

The DH has already worn his Direct Life for the introductory week. It doesn't want you to change your daily habits for those first days so that it can accurately read your normal activity level. Then at the end of the week, it tells you that you're a lazy slug, or something like that. =)

DH is on his second week, meaning he has a daily goal now and he's trying to make sure he burns enough calories to keep the dots happy. See those green dots? There are 9 of them. The first 6 are each 15 % of your weekly goal. You want to get at least 6 dots. The last 3 are bonus dots.

Your weekly goal increases in small increments. It's supposed to be easy enough that you can keep up with it, but still challenging so that you will be losing weight. When you sync your monitor with the website, it has plenty of stats for you to see, like what time of day you're most active. It also gives you a rank against other people, though we're not sure exactly how this feature works yet.

You have to pay for the website after the first 4 months. But you get a fitness coach who supports you and provides advice on how to step it up.

So far, my DH seems happy with it. And I can tell it's motivating for him. This is just his first week, so it might be the newness, but he's been wanting to go on walks and work harder during his tae kwon do classes. All to keep the dots happy. =)

March Difficulties

March has been a difficult month for me. I feel like I'm sliding backwards instead of moving forward. I've lost a little bit of weight, little being the key word. It would be more, but I've flip flopped a bit.

I guess it's getting hard for me to lose weight. I'm going to have to really try now instead of just letting it happen on it's own. When we first started the Atkins diet, it was great. The pounds were just falling off. But changing our eating habits isn't enough any more.

I need to start exercising more than I do currently. And since the weather is nice now, there is little excuse. I need to find the motivation to get outside and burn some calories. But I'm not in that mind-set yet. I know this needs to be a lifestyle change, but it's happening so SLOWLY....it's very frustrating.

Where do you find the motivation to continue when things are crawling at a snail's pace?

Month #1 Jan 2010 In Review

It's been a month of living a low carb lifestyle. I've had some ups and downs, some good days and bad days. Which is not all that surprising. Overall, I'm happy with myself. I made a lot of changes in just one month's time.

We didn't follow any one diet. Nor did we completely eliminate all sugars or carbs. On average, I would say that we stuck to around 25-30 carbs per day. I didn't count calories. And I didn't exercise at all. (Is this even a weight loss blog?!?!)

What I did do is drastically change my eating habits. I started eating mostly low carb foods and no sugar snacks. I stopped drinking pepsi and started drinking lots of water. I tried to eat 3 balanced meals most of the time. And I only let myself splurge a few times this month. Once, I've already mentioned in a previous post and another time when my husband went out of town, I had pizza one night for supper.

So where do the numbers stand?

Jan. 1:  318.5
Feb. 1: 306.5
Difference: -12

I'm happy to have lost 12 pounds. But I'm also disappointed because if you remember, I lost 7 of those pounds the first week. So....if that trend had continued, I would have lost 28 pounds this month. As time went by, the diet got more difficult and I let myself have larger portions.

In February, I need to work on adding some exercise, because I won't continue to lose weight every week, simply by changing my diet. I need to have some kind of routine. Also, I would like to count calories. I've read several blogs that have had great success, not by following a diet, but by just counting calories. Keeping a food log would be a great help to meeting this goal.

So there you have it. One month gone and 12 pounds gone. Hopefully, forever!

Getting Back on Plan

Sunday was a test and I failed miserably.

Once ever month, my husband, who went to culinary school and used to work in restaurants, makes a huge meal for the martial arts school that he attends. There is usually a theme to the meal; this month was breakfast. He almost always insists that I go. It's a long day of cooking, then eating and socializing, talking about the status of the school and then cleaning up. So instead of sitting at home alone all day long, I generally go with him.

This Sunday was the first meal since we started our low carb diet. I didn't want to go because, even though they were having bacon & eggs, they were also serving french toast, biscuits & gravy etc. Again, he insisted I go, so I told myself that I would eat the bacon, eggs and sausage, but no more. But of course, I ate the french toast as well. He even made a strawberry sauce to go over it. Yum!

It was the first sugar I've had since the January 1. To say it tasted yummy would be a grave understatement. I thoroughly enjoyed the meal and the time spent with friends. But afterward, I was so mad at myself for eating so much. I was practically in tears because I felt so fat.

Then I realized that it wasn't so bad.

That was the only meal I had that day. No breakfast or dinner. So the calories and carbs consumed in that meal were all I had to calculate. And sure it was a much higher number than the previous week, but it still wasn't worth getting so upset over.

The morale of this story though comes from Monday. I woke up determined to get back on plan. And I did. I only ate the things we had bought for our new lifestyle. I didn't let that one meal ruin everything we've been working so hard for.

I'm down 10 pounds now and that one meal is not going to ruin it. Sure, I may have to face not having a loss this week, or even worse a gain, but that's going to happen every week. I'm going to have bad days, even bad weeks. But if I move past it and get back on plan, I will succeed.

A New Decade...A New Lifestyle

And so begins another year, filled with new hope, new goals & new determination. Like most people, I feel the urge to make resolutions & also like the majority, I fail to meet those resolutions. So with success in mind, I am making a list of goals for this year.

1. Eat healthier. More specifically, to eat a low carb diet. Abstain from soda & drink mostly water.
2. Blog more often. Blogging is so therapeutic for me. I don't know why I don't write more often. I'm sure the lack of feedback has a lot to do with it. But I need to accept that I'm writing for myself & not for anyone else.
3. Read at least 3 chapters in the Bible each day so I can finish it in 1 year. I'm ahead of schedule on this goal!
4. Go back to school and finish my degree. I've already reapplied. Now I need to get started on the FAFSA paperwork and sit down with an advisor.
5. Begin researching adoption & find out what our options are. I'm still having trouble coming to grips with the fact that I will most likely never have my own children. Years ago, when I was first told the news, it didn't bother me much. But now that I'm married & all of my friends have babies, I realize what I'm missing out on.

My husband & I have started a low carb diet as of Jan. 2. So far, we've done really great. I'm trying not to focus too much on weight loss. Yes, of course, I want to lose weight. But first & foremost, I need to get my sugar issues under control. I'm going to stop the weekly weigh-ins because that is obviously not helping. I've fluctuated between a 10 pound range the entire year. I think it would be better to keep the weigh-ins on a monthly schedule. Hopefully, I will see great change, but my focus will be on getting healthier.

Losing Little Pieces of Me

I felt like I should explain why I named my blog Losing Little Pieces of Me. There are actually 2 reasons.

1. This first one is obvious. I want to lose weight. I want to lose the double chin and the thunder thighs. The second belly roll and the upper arm flab also need to go. These "pieces" of me need to hit the road and hightail it outta here.

2. This next one isn't so obvious, but I think you just might understand it. I'm fat. But I'm also a woman. A married woman. A daughter. A sister. A friend. An employee and a coworker. These identities are all a part of the whole that make up who I am. But the fat part of me is taking over the other pieces of me. I'm losing myself to my weight.

Let me explain. I don't like to go anywhere because I'm embarrassed to always be the heaviest person there. This effects my relationships with family members and friends, even coworkers! I can't do all the fun things I want to do, like going to amusement parks. Swimming is a huge favorite of mine, but I don't want to do it around anyone else because Heaven forbid, they see me in a swim suit.

My weight limits the fun I can have in life. I've traded in all these great activities and events for food. For over-indulging myself. For not being able to say no. I'm losing pieces of who I really want to be. I'm trading in this fun, social girl for an extra cupcake and a second helping of pasta.

I need to stop before I lose my other identities and all I am is the fat girl.

Weigh - Ins

A new feature on the blog today is the reporting of my current weight. I felt that maybe putting it down where it stayed as a reminder would help me to keep focused.

As anyone can see, I gained 5 pounds after my first week of recording. That was awful! I knew it was coming though. Whenever I try to restrict myself, this happens. I sabotage myself.

Thankfully, I lost some of that weight the next week. So far this week, things haven't been going so great in the exercise department, but I'm still trying to watch what I eat. The biggest change I've made is the amount of water I'm drinking.

I've increased my water intake by 100%! I never drank it before, but now it's what I drink most of the time. And I've stopped drinking pop. That was hard at first; I have caffeine withdrawal headaches, but now I'm much better!

Here's to the little changes!

Tools To Help

I joined an online weight loss community called Calorie Count. I created a profile and actually typed out my current weight. I posted in an introduce yourself section. I even started tracking my food.

I hope to use it much more often. It has a section for tracking your activity and your weight loss. Plus there are recipes and such on there as well. The great thing about it is that it's all free! That, along with the weight watchers point calculator that I found online, and my friend's help, I'm hoping to keep myself in line.

I also bookmarked some other great sites for recipes. I hope that by planning out my meals, I will be able to restrict my calorie intake. Not buying snack foods at the grocery store will certainly help.

I really need this to be my turn.

The Beginning

I've been feeling pretty depressed lately. I created this blog a month ago and still haven't done anything with it. That's because I haven't started dieting at all.

Today, I got motivated. I did a bunch of research on Weight Watchers and how to do it at home without paying for the program. A monthly fee is just not something we can take into our budget at the moment.

Plus I don't have a lot of faith in my success so I don't want to pay for it. That's great thinking to start out with huh?

But I did the research and then I talked to my best friend on the phone for a long time. Usually, she has her two girls and neither one of us can really talk long. Today our conversation lasted just over an hour and a half. It was so good talking to her.

Weight issues is a natural conversation topic with us because we've both struggled with it for years. Having her around was always a great motivator for me. But she lives 6 hours away now, so it's hard maintaining that relationship. And when we talk, I don't want to bring up the negative stuff.

We decided we should start talking more often, like once a week, to try and keep each other in line. And I really want to do it this time.

I want to change my life.