Gym Membership

I joined a gym today! It's my first time ever paying for a membership. It cost me $79.00 for 3 months. Is that a good price?

It's a small gym but there are still plenty of machines to use. And there are a TON of weights. The owner also has an area for aerobics and workout videos. And a few classes available in the evening, like Zumba.

It's also the closest gym to home and work being only about 10 minutes away. The only other gym even remotely close is 25 minutes in the wrong direction from work. I just don't see myself getting up at 6 am to drive that long to work out before work. I don't want to push myself too much for fear of failure.

The plan is to go three mornings a week before work to start. One of the other ladies at the office joined with me so we have an accountability partner.

It's time I get out there and do some things to better myself. This is just the first of many changes I'm hoping to make. More on some of those ideas later.

Recapping August

I can't believe I didn't post at all in August. It was a busy month for us. Work was hectic. We went on vacation. Plus, we've got some other stuff going on that I'd rather not talk about at the moment.

To be honest, not much has changed with me. I'm still hovering around the same weight. I actually lost 4 pounds on vacation. Wow! Not sure how I did that with all the eating that was had. But we did do a LOT of walking. So, I guess that just off-set the yummy food I consumed.

I did buy a new swimsuit from Swimsuits Just for Us and I was very pleased with how it looked on me. It was a two piece shortini. The colors are a little off in the picture and I was thrilled with the difference. It has more turquoise in it, which I LOVED. I probably could have ordered the next size down because the top was a bit large. The straps are adjustable, but not enough. So I'm going to shorten them myself and then sew it back together. Shouldn't be too hard.

I went swimming twice and went in the lazy river. I didn't even feel that self-conscious about it. I was proud of myself. I looked around at all the people there and realized no one had a perfect body. And nobody was looking at me either. We were all too concerned with ourselves to worry about what anyone else was up to. That really allowed me to have more fun, which was nice.

I'd like to say I'll do better in September and I'm sure going to try. Truly I don't know what the future holds for me. But I'm doing my best to keep a positive attitude about it.

Getting Back on Track

I have done really great over the past week and I'm so excited about it. I've lost 6 pounds! Here's what I've been up to.

• My husband and I are still exercising together. We went hiking last Saturday. It was HOT, 96 degrees. 
• We also walked at the high school track on Monday. The weather wasn't as bad; I did a mile that day, with a little bit of jogging thrown in there.

•  I've been getting serious about drinking water. I've been carrying a Smart Water bottle with me everywhere. Most of the time, it's filled with tap water though. =) 
• Using some beginner's videos on YouTube, I've tried Zumba. I think I like it, but I'm not ready to buy just yet. Has anyone had any experience with it? 
• I've really restricted my portion sizes this week. I think that has helped the most.

I'm pretty proud of myself for digging in and making some necessary changes. Now to keep it up!

Water Fun

I mentioned on my last post that I'll be going on vacation in August. We're heading to a resort that has tons of opportunities for water sports. My husband can't wait to try the jet skies. I love to swim. And we're planning on renting a boat one day as well.

But I'm so self-conscious that I don't always have much fun when it comes to summertime. I spend most of my time indoors instead of in the water where I'd rather be. I wish I felt differently. I wish I was as empowered as some of the women commenting on this post, which couldn't have come at a better time for me.

I just don't feel comfortable with my body. I'm embarrassed. And I feel like everyone stares at the fat girl. That's why I love The Fat Girl's Guide to Living blog. They've covered some topics that I've always wondered about. Like going to an amusement or water park, riding a horse or a bicycle. Can I do it? The resort we're staying at has a weight limit of 260 for the horseback riding, so in this case, the answer is no.

Even with their encouragement, I still can't get over my self-consciousness. It seems prideful really, to think that everyone is paying attention to me when they have better things to do, i.e. have fun! In the rational part of my brain, I know that everyone has their own worries about their bodies and they're not paying me any attention. The irrational part of my brain has control though.

Reading the posts on the FGG do make me feel better about myself, especially while reading them, but I still haven't figured out how to adapt their advice to the real world.

Summertime

This summer is not at all going according to plan. I'm so frustrated with myself these last 3 months. I've wasted precious time. Thankfully, I haven't gained much, only about 3 pounds and it's been fluctuating up and down. But I can't seem to get back on track.

I'm going on vacation in one month. There will be plenty of opportunities for swimming, boating, jet skies etc. And I have friends that I haven't seen in a year coming Labor Day weekend. I really wanted to have lost more weight by that time. But even if I start doing better today, there isn't enough time to lose as much as I could have in those 3 months.

I keep trying to remember how I finally got to the point where I curtailed my eating. But I can't seem to remember that mind set. I know exactly how I fell off the wagon. And I'm still dealing with some difficult emotions regarding the death of my goddaughter and my niece's birth, all in the same week.

My husband is still doing great. He hit his second goal and was able to go down a size, almost two, in his jeans.  Despite his good example, I'm still eating too much. It makes me feel gross when I see how much I'm eating compared to him. He doesn't do anything to make me feel that way, except sticking to his diet. I am still working out a couple times a week, so that helps. I've been lifting weights some too, trying to tone my arms. I'm just now starting to notice a difference, so that's good.

But I'm still angry with myself. Why do I treat myself this way? Why can't I eat less? Why do I let myself live this way? And how can I change it?

PS. I keep getting weird comments on my blogs, so unfortunately, I'm going to have to turn on comment moderation. I really don't want to do this, but after 10 or so comments on the last post, most of which I had to delete, I think it's time. Sorry about that!

Hiking

I've been meaning to write this post all week, but I kept getting distracted by other things. Mostly, I've been spending a lot of time on Tumblr. Here's the link to my tumblr if you're interested.

Over the weekend, my husband and I went hiking for the first time in a LONG time. He had been asking me to go and I kept putting it off. "It's too hot!" was my main reason. And it is hot. 90 degrees, even at 9pm! So we've been working out in the house, where's there's air conditioning.

But something inspired me Sunday morning so at 7am, I woke up and said, "Okay, let's go hiking right now!" So we did. We had to drive a little ways to get to the trail he wanted to hike. It's a 1.2 mile stretch and it took us about 40 minutes. Give or take a few minutes because we took pictures.

I know our time isn't great, but I have several excuses. =) First, we did take pictures, though our camera battery died about 1/3 of the way into the hike. Second, it was our first hike in a long time, so we went slower than we used to. Third, the place is called Hemlock Cliffs. It wasn't a flat trail by any means. For example, here's what part of the trail looks like.



I tried to get some pretty pictures, though I kept having to turn the camera off and on because of the battery. We only ended up with about 30 pictures, most of which I'd be happy to delete. But I got a few I like.





These steps were steeper than they look in the photo. This area was probably the hardest part of the trail. You really have to take your time or you could get hurt.




Plus, it had rained the previous day, so the rocks were slippery. But because the rain was so recent, there were waterfalls where there normally wouldn't be. It was so pretty!




We're planning on going back with a full camera battery so we can get more photos!

Vacation

At approximately 3:30 today, we'll be leaving for vacation. I'm still not feeling great, but we've been planning this trip since early this year and I don't want to miss it. It took me awhile, but I got my bags packed and I think we're about ready to hit the road.

We're going camping at a nearby lake. We'll be staying in the RV, riding around in the boat, swimming and cooking food on the grill. It's easy to overeat on vacation, especially camping. It seems like all you do is eat and then plan and prepare the next meal.

But I'm hoping to get a lot of exercise too. So if I'm careful, I won't have a gain to report next weekend. I'm taking my tennis shoes and my swimsuit, so exercise will be had. I don't want to be in a bathing suit in front of my family, but I'm not going to miss being in the water. That is, if the water isn't freezing!

I do have a post scheduled for Wednesday so be sure to check back!

A small step for me

I've started working out. I've actually gotten up off the couch, or out of the bed, and exercised.

Saturday, I went for a walk with my husband and his parents. We unfortunately interrupted a 5k so the walk only lasted 20 minutes, but it was still nice to get some fresh air. Plus, we were trying to book it back to the car to avoid any more run-ins (literally) with the runners that I worked up a little sweat despite the short length.

Yesterday, I was having such a bad day. Work sucked. I had a terrible headache. My left shoulder is killing me, and I have no idea why. All in all, I was feeling miserable. So I told myself, "Self - you can either sit here on the computer and continue to feel miserable, or you can go work out. At least then, there will be something to feel good about."

And so I did. I rode on the bike, while listening to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone on my iPod Touch. I only rode for 12 minutes though. Part of that was because I was getting tired. But I think I would have gotten to 15 if my husband hadn't come home just then.

The thing I'm most proud of is that I got up early this morning and worked out. I almost always wake up before my alarm goes off. Sometimes as much as an hour early. Generally, I lay in bed thinking, or try to fall back asleep. Today, I got out of bed and rode the bike again. And I made it to 15 minutes.

I'm hoping to go back after work and do another 15 minutes, for a total of 30 minutes for today. Not too shabby for a girl who has been too lazy to do much of anything most of her life.