Brief Hiatus

In case you've missed it, there's a new post on my other blog which will fill you in on why I haven't been around the last few days. And why it will be difficult for me to be around for the next few days as well.

But I am trying my best to stay "on the wagon." I've been very aware of what I've been eating. I'm tracking my food daily. And I'm listening to Dr. Colbert's audio book when I get the chance.

I think if I can continue to eat healthy through this ordeal than it will prove how dedicated I am to changing my life. If anything good can come out of this, there's that.

Be back soon.

"There's no relief, I'm wide awake in my kitchen, It's black and I'm lonely, Oh, if I could only get some sleep..."

I need my sleep. If you know one thing about me, know that I can be very cranky if I don't get enough of it. I'm generally in bed by 10:30 at the latest during the week. My alarm is set for 7, but I'm typically awake before that.

I have an internal alarm so if I just tell myself when I need to be up, my brain wakes my body up just slightly before that time. Unless I'm medicated in some way, this has worked flawlessly for some time now.

On a typical night, I wake up one time, usually around 4am, for a bathroom run. I try to keep myself in a hazy state, not really awake, but not asleep, so that when I make it back to the bed, I have no problem returning to a dream state.

Not this week. For the past several nights, I've woken up sometime between 3:30 & 4:45 and have not been able to fall back asleep. So I've laid there for hours, trying desperately to clear my mind.

My husband is a big believer in meditation, so I've tried doing that occasionally. I've counted sheep and just about every other method I could think of to get back to sleep. Last night, I even took a unisom, but I still woke up at 3:30.

I know it's because I have too many thoughts running through my head. Things that need to be finished before the shower on Saturday, not too mention the depression this has brought on. Hopefully, after Saturday is over, things will return to normal. Only 2 more nights to go!

A New Decade...A New Lifestyle

And so begins another year, filled with new hope, new goals & new determination. Like most people, I feel the urge to make resolutions & also like the majority, I fail to meet those resolutions. So with success in mind, I am making a list of goals for this year.

1. Eat healthier. More specifically, to eat a low carb diet. Abstain from soda & drink mostly water.
2. Blog more often. Blogging is so therapeutic for me. I don't know why I don't write more often. I'm sure the lack of feedback has a lot to do with it. But I need to accept that I'm writing for myself & not for anyone else.
3. Read at least 3 chapters in the Bible each day so I can finish it in 1 year. I'm ahead of schedule on this goal!
4. Go back to school and finish my degree. I've already reapplied. Now I need to get started on the FAFSA paperwork and sit down with an advisor.
5. Begin researching adoption & find out what our options are. I'm still having trouble coming to grips with the fact that I will most likely never have my own children. Years ago, when I was first told the news, it didn't bother me much. But now that I'm married & all of my friends have babies, I realize what I'm missing out on.

My husband & I have started a low carb diet as of Jan. 2. So far, we've done really great. I'm trying not to focus too much on weight loss. Yes, of course, I want to lose weight. But first & foremost, I need to get my sugar issues under control. I'm going to stop the weekly weigh-ins because that is obviously not helping. I've fluctuated between a 10 pound range the entire year. I think it would be better to keep the weigh-ins on a monthly schedule. Hopefully, I will see great change, but my focus will be on getting healthier.

Pleurisy

So I went to the doctors this week. I was too scared not to go. I rattled off all of my symptoms and they believe that I have pleurisy. So they gave me an anti-inflammatory medicine and said it should go away in 5-7 days.

I'm already starting to feel better. Mostly because they did an EKG and said my heart sounded fine. That was a big relief. The nurse practitioner also said that I have bursitis in my left shoulder.

I need to figure out what I can do to help both of these things, but I also don't want to google the conditions too much. I don't want to worry myself any more. It causes me too much stress! And nobody needs more stress.

Chest Pains

This past week I've been a nervous wreck. I didn't realize how scared I was until I finally talked to my husband just before falling asleep on Monday night.

I've been having chest pains. No, it's not heart burn. I have heart burn on occasion, after eating red sauces and I take a few tums and I feel almost instantly better. Go tums! But this is a different feeling. It's a dull ache deep inside my chest. And it's not going away.

I've read that women who have PCOS are more susceptible to heart disease. I haven't been taking good care of myself these last few years. And I haven't been to the doctor in ages.

I'm not sure if it's really all that bad, or if I'm just focusing on it more now because it's scaring me, so I'm noticing every little twinge & thump. But whatever the case, one good thing has come from all this. It's motivated me to get my butt in gear.

This week I've already racked up over 60 minutes on our exercise bike. And I've been trying to watch what I eat more closely. My weight has been down in the most recent weigh ins. Plus, I only had a few pieces of Halloween candy! I just hope that I can keep it up.

Now I'm off to do some research on heart-healthy foods.

PCOS

Something I haven't mentioned on this blog yet is that I have PCOS. For those of you who aren't familiar with the disease, according to WebMd:

Polycystic ovary syndrome is a problem in which a woman’s hormones are out of balance. It can cause problems with your periods and make it difficult to get pregnant. PCOS may also cause unwanted changes in the way you look. If it is not treated, over time it can lead to serious health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease. Polycystic ovary syndrome (or PCOS) is common, affecting as many as 1 in 15 women.

I was diagnosed while I was in high school. At that time, I went on birth control to help balance my hormones and regulate my period. I was on the pill through high school and into college. My periods were never heavy, generally only lasting a day or so. Then something happened and I stopped taking the birth control. It might have been that I lost health insurance when I turned 21. I really don't remember. I also moved and got married around that time, so all of those things might be contributing factors.

Since then, I have barely had any periods at all. Then last July, they started back up again all of a sudden. Still light, but very regular. Till January....when it lasted for a month. That was absolutely horrible. Then it skipped February. March came and came and came some more as well. Since then, nothing.

I'm typing this, not to gross any male readers out or for shock value. Mostly, to document the facts because, as shown above, I don't have a very good memory. I know I need to go to a doctor, but when you don't have health insurance, and all they want to do is run a bunch of tests on you, it's hardly affordable. I'm working towards fixing this insurance problem soon.

In the meantime, I want to do whatever I can at home to start helping myself control my PCOS. Are there any vitamins I can take? Any foods I should eat regularly? Surely there's something I can do to help myself besides just losing weight. Because we all know that's the biggie. And of course, that's even harder to do with PCOS .

So unfair.

A Small Victory

Woo Hoo! I knew being sick would help!

I'm down 2.5 pounds this week. And what's better is that I know my scale is accurate because I was weighed at the doctor's yesterday. I was fully clothed at the time and was 2 pounds more than my scale at home says. And since I'm still sick, I might just drop another pound or two before it's all said and done.

I'm way to happy about this. I didn't earn this drop. And I won't keep it off if I don't change my habits. I know this. But I'm still celebrating like it's a victory.

Even though I went to the doctor's for a cold, he still managed to bring my weight up. "You need to exercise." Because 15 minutes a day, 6 days a week will help me drop the 150 pounds I need to lose. Hello?!?! Read the chart. I have PCOS. It's extremely frustrating when I do exercise and watch what I eat and then see no change.

I do need to come to grips with this though. Two years ago, I was told I'm prediabetic. I know it's gotten worse since then. I can feel my blood sugar drop from time to time. I've taken to carrying a small snack with me just in case. I need to figure out what needs to be done to manage this disease. If you're got any pointers, I'd love to hear it.

An Optimist's View on Being Sick

I've been sick all week. Really sick. The kind of sick that you don't even want to hear about. Unfortunately, I'm stuck at work, despite how cruddy I feel. No one else can do some of the things I do, so I crawled out of bed this morning and am now sitting here waiting on someone to finish his work before I can start mine.

*I'm a bit grouchy.*

But since no one wants to learn how to do this work, I'm here spreading my germs all around. I won't feel sorry for anyone if they get sick.

*More grouchiness.*

The one good thing about being sick is a loss of appetite. Does anyone else like getting sick, simply because it means dropping a pound or two in a week with no effort? Sure, there's the stuffy nose and the sore throat, the nausea and the aches and pains to deal with. But losing 2 pounds without exercising is awesome!

*Cheers up a little.*