Wednesday, March 31, 2010

March Recap

If you would have asked me yesterday morning what the theme of my March recap post was going to be, I would have told you it was FAILURE!  It was a lousy month. I ate out a whole bunch. I had some emotional stuff to deal with and we went on vacation.

Before vacation, I made sure to weigh myself, so when we got back, I could know just how much weight I'd gained. Great positive thinking, right?  But I didn't want to fool myself. Sure, we were going to be doing a lot of walking. But, eating out every meal makes it hard to stick to plan.

I didn't even come close to sticking to a low carb diet on our vacation. I had french toast one morning! Oh, but it was the best french toast ever! It was at Flapjacks (never been there before) and it was cinnamon and apple french toast. Oh my goodness.....heaven on a plate! Not to mention the sweet potato with brown sugar butter on it that I got on 2 different nights. Whoops!

I'm glad that we had such a good time on our trip. And it was nice not worrying about every little calorie for a few days. So I was willing to pay the price when we got back home. But I couldn't. When we got back, we found our scale had died. Assuming it was just the battery since it had never been replaced, we bought a new one at the store and brought it home to find it wasn't just the battery. That was a bummer. I liked that scale and we haven't had it all that long.

The trouble with the scale delayed my after trip weigh-in and I couldn't have been happier! I didn't have to see that high number. I was actually afraid that I was back in the 300's. I shudder to think about gaining that much weight! Yesterday afternoon, we got a new scale and I couldn't put the weigh-in off any longer. So this morning I stepped on the new scale for the first time and was thrilled with the results!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Direct Life

My husband recently got a Direct Life Activity Monitor. I wasn't sure it was the right purchase for me. So I'm waiting a bit to see how motivating his is before purchasing my own. I've been looking at the different monitors like the FitBit, Bodybugg or the Gruve. If anyone has any first hand knowledge of any of these or the other devices, I'd love to hear about it!

The DH has already worn his Direct Life for the introductory week. It doesn't want you to change your daily habits for those first days so that it can accurately read your normal activity level. Then at the end of the week, it tells you that you're a lazy slug, or something like that. =)

DH is on his second week, meaning he has a daily goal now and he's trying to make sure he burns enough calories to keep the dots happy. See those green dots? There are 9 of them. The first 6 are each 15 % of your weekly goal. You want to get at least 6 dots. The last 3 are bonus dots.

Your weekly goal increases in small increments. It's supposed to be easy enough that you can keep up with it, but still challenging so that you will be losing weight. When you sync your monitor with the website, it has plenty of stats for you to see, like what time of day you're most active. It also gives you a rank against other people, though we're not sure exactly how this feature works yet.

You have to pay for the website after the first 4 months. But you get a fitness coach who supports you and provides advice on how to step it up.

So far, my DH seems happy with it. And I can tell it's motivating for him. This is just his first week, so it might be the newness, but he's been wanting to go on walks and work harder during his tae kwon do classes. All to keep the dots happy. =)

Friday, March 19, 2010

March Difficulties

March has been a difficult month for me. I feel like I'm sliding backwards instead of moving forward. I've lost a little bit of weight, little being the key word. It would be more, but I've flip flopped a bit.

I guess it's getting hard for me to lose weight. I'm going to have to really try now instead of just letting it happen on it's own. When we first started the Atkins diet, it was great. The pounds were just falling off. But changing our eating habits isn't enough any more.

I need to start exercising more than I do currently. And since the weather is nice now, there is little excuse. I need to find the motivation to get outside and burn some calories. But I'm not in that mind-set yet. I know this needs to be a lifestyle change, but it's happening so's very frustrating.

Where do you find the motivation to continue when things are crawling at a snail's pace?

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Coping Mechanism

I'm having a bad day today. No. It's not my diet. I'm feeling pretty depressed. I'm worried that this bad attitude will affect my diet though. I guess I've always used food as a coping mechanism for my depression. I don't want to do that anymore, so how do I make myself feel better?

I wish I could move past this feeling of worthlessness when it comes to infertility. I feel like shutting myself off from the rest of the world. The only person I want to spend time with is my husband. And even he doesn't really understand how I feel. He doesn't get why finding out his sister is having a baby girl hurts me.

And really, I don't understand it either. I never wanted kids growing up. I don't know if I really didn't or if I just made myself think that because I was told I wouldn't be able to. Even now, I don't know how to act around children. I feel completely baffled by them. What should I do and say? How should I act? Part of me truly believes that I wouldn't make a good mother. But I'll never know.

We've talked about adoption, but it keeps getting put off. Last year, it was "Let's wait until we're finished building our house." Now that we're getting close to finishing that huge project, there's something else standing in the way. There's always something else.

So maybe we're not meant to be parents. Why? What's wrong with me that I shouldn't raise a child? These thoughts run through my mind and I keep pushing them back because I don't want to deal with the pain they bring. But life is getting more and more difficult. Everywhere I turn, there are children now. Everyone important to me has children (or will soon) with the exception of my brother. His girlfriend, whom I think is "the one", also has PCOS, so I'm not sure how that will turn out.

I guess I'm just searching for happiness. And it keeps alluding me. So how do I deal with all these negative thoughts if I can't eat a slice of cake?

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

New Look

In celebration of hitting my first mini-goal, I decided to spruce things up around here. I really like the new look! I don't know what's with me lately. I hate birds! But this background is just so cute. But I wouldn't get too used to it. I love changing my blog template. I've already got a few ideas in mind! Wish it was that easy to change my appearance.

Monday, March 01, 2010

February 2010 Weigh In

To continue yesterday's post....

Despite the horrid week, when I stepped on the scale, the number read 298.5!

So for the month of February, I lost about 8 pounds. Which is good, but not as good as January, when I lost 12 pounds. But a total loss of 20 pounds is awesome! I'm so happy. I'm finally starting to notice the weight coming off; my jeans are starting to feel looser.

I think this is the first time I've been under 300 for over 2 years. So, it's a major accomplishment. My DH reached his first mini-goal as well, so we're going to celebrate by buying books from Amazon!