Wednesday, September 29, 2010

TMI Period.

Having PCOS, something I have to deal with are irregular periods. I think most people are aware that they go hand in hand. I'm used to going months without having a cycle and except for the infertility issues, that's fine by me.

That's why, when I was craving the brownies and all that sugar earlier this month, I didn't make the connection to PMS. But then my cycle started about a week after the emotional roller coaster slowed down. I'm still dealing with some issues, but for the most part, I think things are slowly improving.

Generally, with PCOS, cycles can be triggered by even the slightest weight loss. So I wasn't surprised that I had a regular period at the beginning of this year. But then when everything went to pot in May, they stopped. But maybe this month's was a sign that I'm getting back on track. I've done well these last few weeks. I'm not necessarily eating things that are great for me, but I am eating less.

I've been avoiding the scale recently. I know I haven't gained or loss much because my clothes are fitting the same. But I am holding out hope that the number I see at my next weigh-in will be good!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Celebrating a 50 Pound Loss...or Not.

My husband has lost 50 pounds.

Of course, I'm thrilled for him. I know he's worked hard to lose those pounds. But at the same time, it's really hard for me to accept. I'm still at the 30 pound loss mark. And the scale is barely moving these days. (I guess it could be worse. It could be going up.)

One of the biggest challenges I have with his loss is that I've never weighed more than he does. In our entire relationship, we've both been overweight and he has weighed more than I have. Not anymore. And I don't want to be one of those couples where the women is so much heavier than the man. People look at those couples and wonder where's the attraction.

Also, because he's doing such a good job, I feel even more guilt when I eat something that I know I shouldn't. I don't even want to eat around him anymore. It makes me feel ashamed.

I should have started this post by making it clear that my husband is NOT making me feel these things. He's NOT doing anything to indicate he feels bothered by my lack of weight loss. He's very supportive, as he's always been. These emotions are all in my head.

The question do I get rid of them?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Emotional Eating

It's been a rough couple of weeks, especially this last week. I've been on an emotional roller-coaster, and not the fun kind. I'm not ready to divulge details yet, but suffice it to say that I'm really struggling right now.

And of course, I'm finding myself drawn to food to comfort me. Really bad food. Chips and sweets mostly.

This week alone, I've eaten an entire tray of brownies by myself. And each time I ate one or two or three, I felt gross afterward. But I kept going back for more. Day after day. Thankfully, now they are gone. Because I ATE THEM ALL.

Until all this drama calms down, I don't know how to curb my emotional eating. I feel like everything is spinning out of control, out of MY control. And I don't know how to reign everything back in.

For now, since the drama is here to stay, I wish I could manifest my stress in ways other than eating junk food. I wish I was one of those people that cleaned their house from top to bottom, or threw out a bunch of stuff they don't need. Those are healthy ways of dealing with stress.

But me....I gotta eat.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Recapping August

I can't believe I didn't post at all in August. It was a busy month for us. Work was hectic. We went on vacation. Plus, we've got some other stuff going on that I'd rather not talk about at the moment.

To be honest, not much has changed with me. I'm still hovering around the same weight. I actually lost 4 pounds on vacation. Wow! Not sure how I did that with all the eating that was had. But we did do a LOT of walking. So, I guess that just off-set the yummy food I consumed.
I did buy a new swimsuit from Swimsuits Just for Us and I was very pleased with how it looked on me. It was a two piece shortini. The colors are a little off in the picture and I was thrilled with the difference. It has more turquoise in it, which I LOVED. I probably could have ordered the next size down because the top was a bit large. The straps are adjustable, but not enough. So I'm going to shorten them myself and then sew it back together. Shouldn't be too hard.

I went swimming twice and went in the lazy river. I didn't even feel that self-conscious about it. I was proud of myself. I looked around at all the people there and realized no one had a perfect body. And nobody was looking at me either. We were all too concerned with ourselves to worry about what anyone else was up to. That really allowed me to have more fun, which was nice.

I'd like to say I'll do better in September and I'm sure going to try. Truly I don't know what the future holds for me. But I'm doing my best to keep a positive attitude about it.