After writing and reading my last post, I reflected on the questions I asked myself. I'm not sure I have the answers, but here's what I came up with.
1. I've always been fat. As early as 6th grade, I felt like the fat girl. I know nothing else. It has become my identity. If I'm not the fat girl, then who am I?
2. I use my weight as an excuse. I'm a shy person and there are times when I don't feel comfortable doing things. I always say it's because I'm fat and don't want to be laughed at. So I don't go to the office Christmas party or out to dinner with a new friend. I allow myself to avoid social contact. I don't put myself out there, because I'm afraid of getting hurt.
3. I'm essentially a lazy person. I don't want to do the work that's involved in getting healthy. Because I know it's HARD work.
4. I'm also very impatient. I wish I could snap my fingers and everything would be fixed. But I didn't get this way overnight and it's not going to be undone over night either.
5. I'm afraid of failure. I'm scared to death that I will give everything I have to this and still fail. What happens then? I don't want to be stuck like this forever. So as long as I don't do it, it's my choice. I'm putting it off till later. But if I try and FAIL, then I will loose any hope of feeling good about myself.