Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Camera Shy

I saw a picture of myself today that just made me sick. It was a close up shot of my face that my husband took. We took pictures of each other taking pictures. Silly, yes, but still fun.

Till I saw the photo. Most of my face is covered up by the camera. But you get a really nice view of my double chin. It's HUGE. There's a reason why I don't like getting my pictures taken and this is it. They make me feel awful when looking at them.

My mother-in-law wants to get a family portrait done soon. But I *really* don't want to because I'm the fattest person in the family and I know it will turn out awful. I hate depriving her of something she really wants and something she has every right to have. There are no pictures of my husband and I on display at his parent's house.

His mother has a picture of her daughter and her husband on display in the family room for everyone to see. It's a huge photo and I absolutely hate it. It hurt my feelings that she would put it on display when she doesn't have one of us. But then I realized that it's my fault that there isn't one of my husband and I up there as well.

I'm visiting my family is less than two weeks. It's the first most of them have seen me since last Christmas. I'm dreading it because I'm the fattest in that family too. I hate this. I hate this life.

But one glance at the weigh-in page will show that in the past 2 months, I've done nothing to change it.

Lord, please give me the strength to change my life.


  1. Man can I relate to this post. I just got married, and HATE, absolutely hate my wedding photos. If I didn't logically know I was there at that site, in that skirt, with that man, I honestly don't know that I would have picked that woman out as me in those pictures.

    Luckily I found other things to isolate and love about the wedding to take my mind off that; I'll be blogging about that soon at FGG.

    In the meantime know that I and a whole lot of other women are right there beside you with feelings like these. Wish we could just wave a magic wand and see through it.

  2. I'm ashamed to say it, but I let feelings like these get the best of me on my wedding day. I hate being the center of attention as well as getting my picture taken, so I tend to look back on my wedding day negatively, instead of for the wonderful day it should have been.