Thursday, May 06, 2010

A Major Phony

Sometimes, I feel like a big fat fake. Blogging about my weight loss journey has really helped me in the last 6 months or so, but sometimes, I just want to scream, don't look at me. I'm a complete loser and don't know what the heck I'm doing.

If I look back at my life, I can honestly say this is the first time I've REALLY tried to lose weight. I've given it half-assed efforts in the past, but they never amounted to much. And I've never really lost a significant amount of weight.

But now, I can say, I've lost 30 pounds! Yay! Go me! Not really.......

Sure, I have definitely changed my eating habits. I've cut out a substantial amount of sugar. And my DH and I are eating *mostly* low carb. But I'm BARELY exercising at all. So, I feel like major phony. I haven't had to work hard to lose those 30 pounds.

But I know that all of the weight isn't going to come off as easily. Do I have the strength to continue this journey if there's real effort required to make it happen? I have to ask myself why I don't work harder. I want to be healthier. I want to be thinner. I guess it boils down to laziness. It's easier to fail. Plus, I'm worried that I'll give it everything I have and still fail. Then, what do I do?


  1. So you're not exercising yet, that doesn't make you a phony. You've already lost more weight than some people manage to lose in their entire lives. That should make you feel really good about yourself.

    I totally understand how you feel, though, it's really hard to take certain risks. I wrote about that very thing a week or so ago. If you ever need support or anything, drop me a line.

  2. Thanks Kendra. Sometimes, I just have moments where things seem hopeless. But putting it out there and getting awesome feedback like yours really helps me clear my head of all this negativity.

  3. Hiya! Wow, reading your post brought back so many of my own memories I just had to write a comment. (memories of my own weight journey which eventually allowed me to shed 100+ lbs). I too wondered if I could do it, and eventually my curiousity got the better of me, and I decided I would get the weight off because I wanted to see what it felt like being at my lower weight. Guess what? It felt the same in many ways. While I could definately move more easily and my clothes were a different size, so much other stuff was the same. My insecurities were still there, the way I thought about myself was still the same, and the way I thought about other people was the same. So much, and so little, had changed as my weight changed. (No wonder that I had gained it back so many times before.)
    I realized that more important than changing my body, was changing my mind. Changing my mind about myself, my body, food, exercise and even other people who were slim.
    Right now, you don't like exercise. That's pretty typical for heavy people, because it hurts, you have to wear unflattering clothing, you can't do it very well, you feel silly, etc etc. So you have to find a way to change your mind about exercise. Start by changing the word exercise (with all it's negative connotations) and replace it with movement. Our bodies were designed to move, plain and simple. Find ways to move that you find enjoyable. And find people to move with you who will be supportive and encouraging. Maybe you like dancing, or bowling, or gardening, or dog-walking, or hiking, or cycling, or whatever! There has to be some form of movement that gives you pleasure, and if there isn't, start experimenting with some things you might not have tried yet. (I recently, through encouragement from a friend, discovered Bikram Yoga, which I expected to hate, but much to my surprise I loved!)
    Here's a book you might be interested in which talks all about how important changing your mind is in relation to changing your body. It's called "Why Are You Weighting? It's Not The Food That's Making You Fat!" and you can find it at You can do this....keep your eye on the prize and stop focusing on the challenges you are facing now and instead keep focusing on what you want, to be slimmer and healthier. This will help to keep you on track. Also remember that weight reduction is not a linear path; there is no way to do it perfectly. Accept that some days are going to be harder than others, and again, just keep your eye on the'll be glad you did!