Friday, July 23, 2010

Water Fun

I mentioned on my last post that I'll be going on vacation in August. We're heading to a resort that has tons of opportunities for water sports. My husband can't wait to try the jet skies. I love to swim. And we're planning on renting a boat one day as well.

But I'm so self-conscious that I don't always have much fun when it comes to summertime. I spend most of my time indoors instead of in the water where I'd rather be. I wish I felt differently. I wish I was as empowered as some of the women commenting on this post, which couldn't have come at a better time for me.

I just don't feel comfortable with my body. I'm embarrassed. And I feel like everyone stares at the fat girl. That's why I love The Fat Girl's Guide to Living blog. They've covered some topics that I've always wondered about. Like going to an amusement or water park, riding a horse or a bicycle. Can I do it? The resort we're staying at has a weight limit of 260 for the horseback riding, so in this case, the answer is no.

Even with their encouragement, I still can't get over my self-consciousness. It seems prideful really, to think that everyone is paying attention to me when they have better things to do, i.e. have fun! In the rational part of my brain, I know that everyone has their own worries about their bodies and they're not paying me any attention. The irrational part of my brain has control though.

Reading the posts on the FGG do make me feel better about myself, especially while reading them, but I still haven't figured out how to adapt their advice to the real world.


  1. Can I just say that I completely understand where you're coming from? At my heaviest I was 331. I'm currently 205. Even though I have dropped over 100 lbs. in the last 15 months, with the majority of that weight being lost in the last nine months, I still have the Very Fat Girl Mindset.

    I have been wearing shorts for three weeks now, and tank tops (that show off my oh-so-lovely bingo flaps) for about six weeks. I was so horribly self-conscious at first. I thought EVERYBODY WAS LOOKING AT ME and critiquing my bingo flaps, my thigh cellulite, etc. But honestly? They're not. They're really not. It's taken me several weeks to figure out and accept that people aren't paying attention to me. It's due largely, I think, to the fact that more and more people are obese... it's becoming more common, sadly.

    I know it's hard, but try not to be so self-conscious. Carry yourself with confidence, resist the urge to tuck yourself away or somehow minimize yourself. Fake the confidence if you have to -- I know I have! Confidence is sexy, and it shows others just how good you're capable of looking. :)

    Jenn of /

    P.S. Blogger is EVIL, lol.

  2. It's so much easier to write and say that no one is noticing you. They're too busy worrying about themselves. But I look around, see that I'm the fattest person in the room and I can't help being self-conscious.

    Maybe it's because I've always been the fat girl. I can remember feeling fat as far back as 6th grade. I don't have the ability to think of myself as a confident, sexy female. In my opinion, I never have been.

    But perhaps you're right. Fake the confidence so long and maybe it will become real confidence.