Thursday, December 03, 2009

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”

I had a major meltdown this morning. And I have no one to talk to about it. That's part of the problem.

Last night, my husband and I went to my in-laws to announce some major news. Instead of having everyone's full attention though, the only person that even bothered to listen and talk to us was his mother. Instead, hubby's father and brother-in-law felt it was appropriate to begin discussing computer parts in the middle of our conversation.

It hurt me and my husband that they didn't even pretend to care. He was announcing that his MRI came back clean and he didn't have a tumor in his ear, as we previously believed. Major news, right? But instead, they all acted like we were discussing the weather.

It's one thing for me to feel like an outsider in his family. He shouldn't. But we constantly feel like we're in second place in a some race for his parent's affections. And with the birth announcement in October, we're way behind. I, of course, want to say something about it, but my husband is too level-headed for that. He doesn't want to cause any trouble in the family.

I have never felt like I fit in with his family. I'm practically estranged from my crazy family and I haven't made any friends since I've moved here. I'm friendly with people that my husband is friends with. But I haven't found a good, close girlfriend that I can talk to. I miss that so much.

I just feel so lonely.


  1. {{{hug}}}

    I hear you. My husband's family is tall, thin and many of them hard-body athletic (including him). I've always felt so outcast when we get together. They're really nice people and I'm sure they don't intend it, but I definitely don't fit in and always end up feeling like I need to take a walk or get out of there for awhile.

  2. I am sort of in the same place, but when my fiances family starts talking over me I stop what I'm saying and stare at them. After a few moments they usually feel uncomfortable enough to stop being so rude. :)

  3. Thanks ladies. It's always nice to know you're not alone, that your feelings are more "normal" than you think.

  4. Boy, do I know how it feels to be the outcast in the family. It's almost like i'm invisible half the time. Not only that but it has driven a huge wedge between my svelte mother and her obese daughter. She often makes it clear that I would look better if I were thinner, get more guys and that I simply don't look good. Of course, under the guise of being concerned. Thus I oscillate between simmering anger and blowing up at her.