The holidays were hard this year. I'm kinda glad that they are over. I am looking forward to the new year. A fresh start, a new beginning.
Of course, it was nice to spend time with family, giving thanks and celebrating Christ. Both Thanksgiving and Christmas had moments of joy, of happiness. But during both moments of celebration, I felt feelings of jealousy and resentment. Anger and pain.
For Thanksgiving, my husband and I did most of the cooking. He made two turkeys and I made mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes (which were a HUGE hit!), green bean casserole, 2 pies of dessert.... and more. We spent all day cooking and we were glad to do it. Many of the family thanked us and acknowledged our hard work.
But the most important part of the day, the blessing right before the meal, my husband's father thought it was appropriate to thank my SIL's husband for making him a grandfather and allowed him to ask the blessing, instead of my husband. Asking the blessing is kind of a big deal in a room packed full of strong Christians. We all saw clearly where his priorities are.
Then at Christmas, there were actually presents under the tree for the unborn baby that my SIL and her husband were told to open by proxy. I actually had to step outside to stop myself from hyperventilating.
I guess this wouldn't be so hard, if it wasn't so clear that my SIL felt that this baby has ended her life. She doesn't talk about the baby at all. She only points out how her life plans have been grinded to a halt. The baby is never referred to affectionately. It's "the kid." I'm actually concerned she's a prime candidate for postpartum depression.
So yeah, all those family get-togethers were hard to get through. And we have one more. Friday, we are all (close to 30 ppl) having lunch to celebrate 2 birthdays and the New Year. Another test. I'm not sure how much more I can take before I say something I'll regret. I'm praying for strength and peace to wash over me, to heal these wounds.