Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Losing Little Pieces of Me

I felt like I should explain why I named my blog Losing Little Pieces of Me. There are actually 2 reasons.

1. This first one is obvious. I want to lose weight. I want to lose the double chin and the thunder thighs. The second belly roll and the upper arm flab also need to go. These "pieces" of me need to hit the road and hightail it outta here.

2. This next one isn't so obvious, but I think you just might understand it. I'm fat. But I'm also a woman. A married woman. A daughter. A sister. A friend. An employee and a coworker. These identities are all a part of the whole that make up who I am. But the fat part of me is taking over the other pieces of me. I'm losing myself to my weight.

Let me explain. I don't like to go anywhere because I'm embarrassed to always be the heaviest person there. This effects my relationships with family members and friends, even coworkers! I can't do all the fun things I want to do, like going to amusement parks. Swimming is a huge favorite of mine, but I don't want to do it around anyone else because Heaven forbid, they see me in a swim suit.

My weight limits the fun I can have in life. I've traded in all these great activities and events for food. For over-indulging myself. For not being able to say no. I'm losing pieces of who I really want to be. I'm trading in this fun, social girl for an extra cupcake and a second helping of pasta.

I need to stop before I lose my other identities and all I am is the fat girl.

1 comment:

  1. I can definitely relate to how you feel... going places and being the biggest person there. I usually am. I used to really let my weight control so much of my life. Yes, there are physical limits that affect some things, like amusement park rides and all that, but I've learned to not let the fear side win.

    Even in the summer, I'd wear pants and shirts that covered up the flappers most people call arms. I finally got to the point, through God's grace, the support of my family and friends, and learning about myself on this journey that there are certain things I can't control... opinions of strangers for one. I decided that I was going to stop letting the fat have such a strong hold in my life. I will actually get in a pool with just my bathing suit... no shirt, no shorts. I wear shorts in the summer because my personal comfort is more important than a snicker from some ignorant person.

    I'm not saying these things don't go through my mind, but I'm working hard each day to realize that I deserve to have just as much fun and enjoy life as the next person. I'll be praying for you on your journey, both with weight loss and self discovery.

    Sorry for the book. :) I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes.

    Be who you are. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Suess